Did you have a good year in 2010? Are you sorry to see it go...or are you happy to put it behind you and move on? For me, I'm ready for a fresh start. 2010 was a tough year, but I also had some very good memories to reflect upon.
In 2010, I went on a great backcountry ski trip to British Columbia, paced Bruce G. at Western States, and paced the Goat in his first 100 miler in Vermont. I watched my daughter graduate college, and watched my Granddaugher turn 1. I met Charlotte in June, and we have been very lucky to share the last 6 months together.
There has been stress and turmoil along the way with work and family, but who doesn't have something to fret about? Since the accident, I have had my share of down moments, but I think I dwell less on the little stuff. There was a panic on Christmas Eve when my Secret Santa gift could not be located. It did not bother me in the least. I said, "After you survive a 100 foot fall, a missing Secret Santa gift just doesn't seem that important."
I've been very fortunate to have the better part of two weeks off to end the year, and have tried to make the most of it in terms of the rehab. I have made it to the gym nearly everyday and am routinely riding an hour on the bike and doing some upper body and core work. Stretching feels great and my range of motion continues to improve. Today, I managed to put in 17.4 miles on the bike in one hour which is a new record for me. Woohoo! It really feels good to be on the road to recovery. Sure, I used to run that distance routinely, but it's a new game now.
Tim Ferriss, the author of the 4 Hour Work Week, released his new book, The 4 Hour Body (capitalizing on his first success I suppose). Anyway, he sent me two free copies for volunteering to help with his book. He didn't need me since he had the likes of Dean K. and Scott Jurek to lean on, but getting two complimentary copies of this voluminous work was very cool. I think the book is over 400 pages and chock full of interesting insights and tips. It just hit #1 on the NY Times bestseller list, so Tim is a happy camper. Anyway, it has me stoked about getting my diet back on track and getting my body back in motion. It's worth a look for anyone since he covers such a wide range of topics...check it out.
My old climbing partner, Alex, called today. After exchanging holiday updates, he said he wanted to climb with me again and mentioned a trip being organized for Red Rocks. I was psyched! I'm not sure I'll be ready in time for that trip, but it felt good to fantasize about it for a few minutes. Sure seems a lot more doable now than 4, 8, or 12 weeks ago. I will be back before too long.
After talking to Alex, I was so excited that I decided to do some push-ups. Go figure! It may seem simple, but I haven't kneeled since the accident. Frankly, it was terrifying, but I managed to kneel down, stretch my quads, and then crank out about 20 push-ups....not bad. Getting up was interesting, but I managed OK.
While I'm improving almost daily, it is frustrating not being able to walk without crutches. Goat and Charlotte took turns clearing my driveway due to the storm. The snow kept drifting into the driveway, so it required multiple efforts. I am grateful and humbled. I just wish I could do it myself. I understand why older folks fear losing their independence. I'm glad it won't be snowing again for at least a week. I hope to be off these crutches within 30 days.
Each day brings a new adventure. It's a great time to be alive. If things are stressing you out, don't sweat it. If there's an adventure you have been putting off, go for it. Life is too short.
Happy New Year! May 2011 be a great year for all of us!
Steve
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Non-unions and re-unification
They have a special term for it....when your bone refuses to grow back together. It is called a "non-union". There are a few other things that could use this term as well. Instead of a divorce, it could be called a "non-union". Sounds better, eh? Anyway, my x-rays were looking very "non-union-esque", so I went to see the "non-union" specialist. Can you believe there is a specialty in "non-unions"?
The Doc looked at the x-ray, took a measurement, and said, "It's OK." OK, what do you mean by OK?, I asked. OK, like good or OK, it could be better? Basically, my bones are put together at a 10 degree angle from my hip to my knee, and it should be in a straight line. He said, It should be zero, but 10 degrees is OK.
OK, Great. I have a rod and two screws holding me together, two bones that refuse to grow together, and the bones happen to be offset at a 10 degree angle. What do we do know? The Doc said my strength and range of motion were very good and I could start riding the bike and swimming, but no more than 50% weight on the leg until it heals further. He indicated that something happens around 13 weeks and good healing should result.
OK, I told him I wanted to run another 100 miler and he didn't say anything. Nice! I guess we don't have data for how one performs with a 10 degree offset in a 100 mile run. Looks like I'm in unchartered waters....a somewhat familiar feeling.
He told me not to bother with Physical Therapy because my fitness level is where it needs to be and I know how to get myself working again. I think he gave me a little too much credit, but I figured I could start off on my own and see how it went...
After a few days of walking with 25-50% weight on the leg, I was ready to hit the gym. The walking had helped improve the blood flow, so the swelling and color improved. I was hopeful that the gym workouts would speed up recovery even more. I sat on a recumbent bike and tried turning the crank. At first it was stiff as you might imagine The knee was the big issue. I felt no pain in the fracture zone. Encouraged, I pedaled for 30 minutes...gradually increasing the resistance to level 5 (very little resistance). I felt good afterwards with very little pain. Good first data point. The workout was not much from a cardio standpoint, but it was something for the leg. The horse is out of the gate...
The next day I wanted to see how far I could go... I wanted to see if I could do 1 hour. 30 minutes seemed like child's play and I needed to get in a decent workout. I also wanted to sit on a real bike...not the recumbent. It was tough getting on the bike seat, but I was fine once my feet were on the pedals. I rode for 1 hour with minimal pain and broke a slight sweat. I did some stretching and light strength training afterwards. All systems seemed fine...Data point number 2.
On Monday and Tuesday, I did 45 minutes on the bike before work and made slight improvements on the resistance level each time. My leg felt good, and I was becoming a regular at the gym. My crutches brought a lot of attention and I had to explain my story to enquiring minds.
This morning I was determined to get the endorphines flowing. I wanted to get the stress buster workout I needed so much. My goal was to do another hour on the bike, stretch, and do some core and upper body work. I talked with my new friend who reads the Wall Street Journal while pedaling away and chatting to anyone within earshot. I cranked as hard as I dared and put down the equivalent of 16 miles in an hour...not bad considering the circumstances. I actually got a decent sweat going toward the end, so I was pleased. Both knees were a little tender, so I need to keep an eye on it. The good news was no significant pain in the fracture area.
My range of motion is improving and the knee seems to be improving everyday. I'm even wondering if I may be able to avoid surgery on the knee. We'll find out soon enough.
I remember running last winter and thinking how I could not live without running. I couldn't imagine how I could cope without it. I have been running regularly since the age of 12, and the thought of not running is not one that I care to hold close to me. It feels good to be working on my fitness again, and I desperately want to get rid of these crutches. I've gained weight and know the cycling is not enough. It's a start though and I need to keep it all in perspective. I've made daily progress for the past 12 weeks, and just need to be patient.
It feels like I could walk without crutches. On several occasions, I have messed up with the crutches and essentially put full weight on the leg. I haven't felt any pain as a result, so I find it encouraging. If this continues and the knee does not require surgery, I could be back to running in the near future. I know I need to be patient and not get ahead of myself, but it sure is nice to be moving in the right direction.
It's been tough for nearly 3 months, but life is slowly getting back to normal. The daily gains are small, but it's also amazing to see the progress over the past 12 weeks.
I am very grateful to be getting another chance.
Hope you all have a safe, warm, and loving holiday!
Peace.
Steve
The Doc looked at the x-ray, took a measurement, and said, "It's OK." OK, what do you mean by OK?, I asked. OK, like good or OK, it could be better? Basically, my bones are put together at a 10 degree angle from my hip to my knee, and it should be in a straight line. He said, It should be zero, but 10 degrees is OK.
OK, Great. I have a rod and two screws holding me together, two bones that refuse to grow together, and the bones happen to be offset at a 10 degree angle. What do we do know? The Doc said my strength and range of motion were very good and I could start riding the bike and swimming, but no more than 50% weight on the leg until it heals further. He indicated that something happens around 13 weeks and good healing should result.
OK, I told him I wanted to run another 100 miler and he didn't say anything. Nice! I guess we don't have data for how one performs with a 10 degree offset in a 100 mile run. Looks like I'm in unchartered waters....a somewhat familiar feeling.
He told me not to bother with Physical Therapy because my fitness level is where it needs to be and I know how to get myself working again. I think he gave me a little too much credit, but I figured I could start off on my own and see how it went...
After a few days of walking with 25-50% weight on the leg, I was ready to hit the gym. The walking had helped improve the blood flow, so the swelling and color improved. I was hopeful that the gym workouts would speed up recovery even more. I sat on a recumbent bike and tried turning the crank. At first it was stiff as you might imagine The knee was the big issue. I felt no pain in the fracture zone. Encouraged, I pedaled for 30 minutes...gradually increasing the resistance to level 5 (very little resistance). I felt good afterwards with very little pain. Good first data point. The workout was not much from a cardio standpoint, but it was something for the leg. The horse is out of the gate...
The next day I wanted to see how far I could go... I wanted to see if I could do 1 hour. 30 minutes seemed like child's play and I needed to get in a decent workout. I also wanted to sit on a real bike...not the recumbent. It was tough getting on the bike seat, but I was fine once my feet were on the pedals. I rode for 1 hour with minimal pain and broke a slight sweat. I did some stretching and light strength training afterwards. All systems seemed fine...Data point number 2.
On Monday and Tuesday, I did 45 minutes on the bike before work and made slight improvements on the resistance level each time. My leg felt good, and I was becoming a regular at the gym. My crutches brought a lot of attention and I had to explain my story to enquiring minds.
This morning I was determined to get the endorphines flowing. I wanted to get the stress buster workout I needed so much. My goal was to do another hour on the bike, stretch, and do some core and upper body work. I talked with my new friend who reads the Wall Street Journal while pedaling away and chatting to anyone within earshot. I cranked as hard as I dared and put down the equivalent of 16 miles in an hour...not bad considering the circumstances. I actually got a decent sweat going toward the end, so I was pleased. Both knees were a little tender, so I need to keep an eye on it. The good news was no significant pain in the fracture area.
My range of motion is improving and the knee seems to be improving everyday. I'm even wondering if I may be able to avoid surgery on the knee. We'll find out soon enough.
I remember running last winter and thinking how I could not live without running. I couldn't imagine how I could cope without it. I have been running regularly since the age of 12, and the thought of not running is not one that I care to hold close to me. It feels good to be working on my fitness again, and I desperately want to get rid of these crutches. I've gained weight and know the cycling is not enough. It's a start though and I need to keep it all in perspective. I've made daily progress for the past 12 weeks, and just need to be patient.
It feels like I could walk without crutches. On several occasions, I have messed up with the crutches and essentially put full weight on the leg. I haven't felt any pain as a result, so I find it encouraging. If this continues and the knee does not require surgery, I could be back to running in the near future. I know I need to be patient and not get ahead of myself, but it sure is nice to be moving in the right direction.
It's been tough for nearly 3 months, but life is slowly getting back to normal. The daily gains are small, but it's also amazing to see the progress over the past 12 weeks.
I am very grateful to be getting another chance.
Hope you all have a safe, warm, and loving holiday!
Peace.
Steve
Saturday, December 4, 2010
The Waiting Game
I haven't blogged in almost 4 weeks. My apologies for those of you who enjoy the posts and thank you for the kind and generous comments. It's been a bit of a struggle...this waiting game.
I went to my Ortho after 6 weeks fully expecting to get the green light for rehab and weighting the leg. After all, I do everything on or ahead of schedule, so I was not prepared for his news. When he said, "Mr. Nelson, please come take a look at your x-ray", I could tell from his voice that the news was not good. When I looked at the x-ray, I nearly passed out. My head started spinning when I saw the uneven break with the rod going through it. "How the heck is that going to heal?", I thought. "Now I know why I have a bump on my thigh, and look at the size of the screws! No wonder I can't sleep on my left side! I am put together like Frankenstein!" The doctor kept talking and showing me how the bone had to grow back together, but it was information and sensory overload. I did not understand how this could be possible. I thought the two pieces of bone would fit together like 2 puzzle pieces and the parting line would eventually go away. The fall would just be an interesting story to tell at my next race or trip to the crag. Reality started to set in as he told me, "4 more weeks with no weight". He may as well have punched me in the gut. I was definitely in more shock than when the accident occurred.
I begged him to let me spin on a bike. He said, "Maybe you could try swimming, but be really careful getting in and out of the pool." Great! I'm not a great swimmer with two good legs. The thought of trying it with a broken leg terrifies me even now. I have yet to try it. I'm afraid of slipping at poolside and taking a bad fall.
I left that office in a blur. I am Ultra Steve...King of the World and Master of the Universe! How could this happen? Didn't my bones get the memo? We believe in miracles...we bounce back from anything...we leap tall buildings in a single bound....and we survive 10 story falls without any permanent damage. I talked to my leg, "Get with the program, dammit! This was not part of the plan." The Doctor was supposed to say, "Wow, I've never seen anyone heal this fast. You can hardly tell there was a break"."
"OK, Chief, let's re-group!", I said as I sat in the Milkwagon (my newish Honda Element). "You can do this...4 weeks is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Now that you know what it looks like, you can visualize the bone filling in like a bead of weld." Yeah, that's the ticket! ... I drove off in a daze.
It's been a tough 9 weeks (3 weeks since the dreaded news). December 2 was the two month anniversary of my fall. I'm back to work full-time. I'm sleeping better and my mobility and strength have improved. My foot still swells up everyday and it gets ice cold from the lack of circulation. I've gained weight and I eat like a horse. My home is nearly back to normal. I cut off my cable TV for fear I might get addicted to crap. I miss the sports, but am more productive without it. I'm grateful for all the help from family and friends. It truly is humbling.
In 6 days I will go back to the Dr. for another set of x-rays. I'm praying for the green light to start full rehab and put some weight on the leg. I'm terrified of the idea of using crutches in the snow. I've tried to fill my free time productively, but I want my life back.
I appreciate any thoughts, prayers, or energy you can send in my direction. I'm doing OK, and I know it will come in time, but every little bit helps.
I will run and climb again...it's just a matter of when...
All the best to all of you! Be safe while you prepare for the holidays! Steve
P.S. - Here's a shout out to my buddy, EuroMan. He leaves for Haiti today. He will be jumping (parachuting) into a remote village with medical supplies and assistance. It is a dangerous jump with a very small landing zone. He will be there for 2 weeks providing assistance and trying to build an airstrip for a plane to land. This is his second trip to Haiti since the disaster. It will be his most challenging mission, and we will not have contact with him until his mission is complete. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers. He is a true superhero!
Peace!
I went to my Ortho after 6 weeks fully expecting to get the green light for rehab and weighting the leg. After all, I do everything on or ahead of schedule, so I was not prepared for his news. When he said, "Mr. Nelson, please come take a look at your x-ray", I could tell from his voice that the news was not good. When I looked at the x-ray, I nearly passed out. My head started spinning when I saw the uneven break with the rod going through it. "How the heck is that going to heal?", I thought. "Now I know why I have a bump on my thigh, and look at the size of the screws! No wonder I can't sleep on my left side! I am put together like Frankenstein!" The doctor kept talking and showing me how the bone had to grow back together, but it was information and sensory overload. I did not understand how this could be possible. I thought the two pieces of bone would fit together like 2 puzzle pieces and the parting line would eventually go away. The fall would just be an interesting story to tell at my next race or trip to the crag. Reality started to set in as he told me, "4 more weeks with no weight". He may as well have punched me in the gut. I was definitely in more shock than when the accident occurred.
I begged him to let me spin on a bike. He said, "Maybe you could try swimming, but be really careful getting in and out of the pool." Great! I'm not a great swimmer with two good legs. The thought of trying it with a broken leg terrifies me even now. I have yet to try it. I'm afraid of slipping at poolside and taking a bad fall.
I left that office in a blur. I am Ultra Steve...King of the World and Master of the Universe! How could this happen? Didn't my bones get the memo? We believe in miracles...we bounce back from anything...we leap tall buildings in a single bound....and we survive 10 story falls without any permanent damage. I talked to my leg, "Get with the program, dammit! This was not part of the plan." The Doctor was supposed to say, "Wow, I've never seen anyone heal this fast. You can hardly tell there was a break"."
"OK, Chief, let's re-group!", I said as I sat in the Milkwagon (my newish Honda Element). "You can do this...4 weeks is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Now that you know what it looks like, you can visualize the bone filling in like a bead of weld." Yeah, that's the ticket! ... I drove off in a daze.
It's been a tough 9 weeks (3 weeks since the dreaded news). December 2 was the two month anniversary of my fall. I'm back to work full-time. I'm sleeping better and my mobility and strength have improved. My foot still swells up everyday and it gets ice cold from the lack of circulation. I've gained weight and I eat like a horse. My home is nearly back to normal. I cut off my cable TV for fear I might get addicted to crap. I miss the sports, but am more productive without it. I'm grateful for all the help from family and friends. It truly is humbling.
In 6 days I will go back to the Dr. for another set of x-rays. I'm praying for the green light to start full rehab and put some weight on the leg. I'm terrified of the idea of using crutches in the snow. I've tried to fill my free time productively, but I want my life back.
I appreciate any thoughts, prayers, or energy you can send in my direction. I'm doing OK, and I know it will come in time, but every little bit helps.
I will run and climb again...it's just a matter of when...
All the best to all of you! Be safe while you prepare for the holidays! Steve
P.S. - Here's a shout out to my buddy, EuroMan. He leaves for Haiti today. He will be jumping (parachuting) into a remote village with medical supplies and assistance. It is a dangerous jump with a very small landing zone. He will be there for 2 weeks providing assistance and trying to build an airstrip for a plane to land. This is his second trip to Haiti since the disaster. It will be his most challenging mission, and we will not have contact with him until his mission is complete. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers. He is a true superhero!
Peace!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Dreams
I went to a wedding this past weekend for one of my cousins. It's always a good time when our extended family celebrates together. It was fun seeing everyone! Of course, I was bombarded with questions about the accident followed by "Thank God you are still with us" type comments. I don't mind talking about it, but it's hard to convey the details amidst short attention spans and music blasting in the background. Nevertheless, it was great to receive so many well wishes, and I was even able to pull off a few dances with Charlotte. I received a few complements on the blog and encouragement to keep it up, so here I am...
How do you keep a running, climbing, adventure sport blog going when you are sitting on your butt rehabing your broken body. What is there to talk about? I guess the real intent of this blog has not only been to document and share my adventures, but to also serve as a source of inspiration. So, how to inspire from the couch? People have been amazed at my progress and say I am an inspiration. I am humbled as I haven't done anything yet. OK, I danced a bit on one leg :-)
I go back to the Dr. on Friday. I expect that the x-rays will show the bone healing properly, and he will tell me to start putting some weight on the leg. This would be the best news possible. Then, I can start moving forward with physical therapy and an evaluation of the knee before Christmas.
The last time I broke a bone in my body was when I was 5 years old. We were on vacation in Florida. My cousin decided to practice Judo on me and broke my collar bone. His sisters were at the wedding and we reminisced about it.
I've set a goal of walking normally by Christmas. I know that may be a stretch, but...that's me! Another goal is to run the Reach the Beach Relay with my team, the Red Eye Runners, in September. This may be a bit of a stretch as well depending on the knee, the hardware inside me, and the heels. Nevertheless, I'd like to be with my team that weekend. I watched the DVD from this year's run, and am so happy to have been a part of it for the past 6 years.
I want to climb again in 2011, and would like to rope up for another classic route.
I want to do an ultramarathon in 2012 and eventually run another 100 miler.
Awhile ago I told Goat that I wanted another Top 10 finish at Vermont 100 when I turned 50 which is 3.5 years from now. It didn't seem like an outlandish goal at the time. A bit challenging, but not outlandish. Now, it seems like a bit of a stretch to say the least...
It's nice to have goals and dreams. I don't know how important any of these are to me. Frankly, I'm more concerned about my family than anything right now. I know, though, that I need to be physically healthy and mentally strong to help myself and others, and running and climbing are a means to that end. Even if I can't meet the goals outlined above, a nice weekend run will be great. Making fresh tracks on some steep powder will be awesome. Dancing the tango until dawn or sailing in the tropics would make my day. Building a playscape for my Grandchildren would be cool too!
Now, there's something to think about...
Have a great week everyone! Here's to some good news on Friday!
How do you keep a running, climbing, adventure sport blog going when you are sitting on your butt rehabing your broken body. What is there to talk about? I guess the real intent of this blog has not only been to document and share my adventures, but to also serve as a source of inspiration. So, how to inspire from the couch? People have been amazed at my progress and say I am an inspiration. I am humbled as I haven't done anything yet. OK, I danced a bit on one leg :-)
I go back to the Dr. on Friday. I expect that the x-rays will show the bone healing properly, and he will tell me to start putting some weight on the leg. This would be the best news possible. Then, I can start moving forward with physical therapy and an evaluation of the knee before Christmas.
The last time I broke a bone in my body was when I was 5 years old. We were on vacation in Florida. My cousin decided to practice Judo on me and broke my collar bone. His sisters were at the wedding and we reminisced about it.
I've set a goal of walking normally by Christmas. I know that may be a stretch, but...that's me! Another goal is to run the Reach the Beach Relay with my team, the Red Eye Runners, in September. This may be a bit of a stretch as well depending on the knee, the hardware inside me, and the heels. Nevertheless, I'd like to be with my team that weekend. I watched the DVD from this year's run, and am so happy to have been a part of it for the past 6 years.
I want to climb again in 2011, and would like to rope up for another classic route.
I want to do an ultramarathon in 2012 and eventually run another 100 miler.
Awhile ago I told Goat that I wanted another Top 10 finish at Vermont 100 when I turned 50 which is 3.5 years from now. It didn't seem like an outlandish goal at the time. A bit challenging, but not outlandish. Now, it seems like a bit of a stretch to say the least...
It's nice to have goals and dreams. I don't know how important any of these are to me. Frankly, I'm more concerned about my family than anything right now. I know, though, that I need to be physically healthy and mentally strong to help myself and others, and running and climbing are a means to that end. Even if I can't meet the goals outlined above, a nice weekend run will be great. Making fresh tracks on some steep powder will be awesome. Dancing the tango until dawn or sailing in the tropics would make my day. Building a playscape for my Grandchildren would be cool too!
Now, there's something to think about...
Have a great week everyone! Here's to some good news on Friday!
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Progress: Man's distinctive mark alone
It's been a month and two days since the accident. I still have 8 more days until I see the Doc again and anxiously await the x-ray results. If the bone is healing according to plan, I can start putting weight on the leg. Wooohooo! It's the little things in life...or is it the big things I once took for granted?
When I look back over the past month, I'm amazed at my progress. It's hard to see on a daily basis sometimes, but I've noticed some major steps recently.
You may think of some of these as TMI (too much information), but it's my blog... so read on at your own risk...
When I first came home from the hospital, I was relieved to see the handicapped accessory for the toilet. There was no way I could consider sitting down without it. Even with the handrails, it was extremely painful to put any pressure on my left thigh and buttocks. Over the past couple days, I haven't needed the handicap accessory. Progress is a beautiful thing!
The first 4 weeks, I slept on a twin bed in my dining room to avoid the stairs to the second floor. I could barely move around with a walker and often needed a wheelchair. Now, I boogie around on crutches and can go up and down a full flight of stairs with them. A couple weeks ago, I was psyched to go up the stairs on my butt...progress is a beautiful thing.
People thought I was crazy to consider driving, but I am doing it routinely now. My "new" Honda Element has been great, and I look forward to having some fun with it once I can use 2 legs.
Most of the scabs from my scrapes and cuts are gone, and my knee is almost down to normal size. I can bend my knee a bit past 90 degrees. It gets better each day...
Sleeping has been a challenge. At first, I could only sleep on my back with my knee slightly bent. Now, I can sleep some on my right side, and this morning I even spent a few moments on my left side (still very scary though). One of these days, I will sleep through the night...
I've gone to the mailbox and ventured to the basement to do laundry. I've figured out how to carry things from room to room with crutches, and feel more independent each day.
My energy and comfort levels have improved.
My mental state has fluctuated up and down. The lack of an endorphin fix on a regular basis probably has something to do with it. In addition, I feel a bit out of the loop in many ways. I'm starting to phase back into the working world, so this should help some. With the physical progress, I know the mental will come along as well.
I've had time to contemplate the future and have not experienced an epiphany of any sort. I've tried to work on a "bucket list", but no major breakthroughs there. I've been fortunate to experience more than most individuals have in a lifetime, so will be content to share adventures with my family and friends going forward.
I guess I feel less inhibition now. I say what I want to say regardless of what others think.
At our regular pizza gathering last night, I read a poem that I wrote for a friend a couple years ago. He had turned 70 at the time, and he loves poetry. It was, more or less, a ballad about his life. It was filled with adventure as well as examples of leading a good life (or should I say leading a good life by example). As the words were leaving my mouth, I wondered if I have lead a good life. I've certainly accomplished a lot, but have I lead a life of integrity, love, laughter, and generosity? Something to think about and always an opportunity for progress.
I guess my "bucket" list isn't really about doing "things" and visiting places, but more about progressing and leaving my mark as part of the community. These are the things I think about...
When I look back over the past month, I'm amazed at my progress. It's hard to see on a daily basis sometimes, but I've noticed some major steps recently.
You may think of some of these as TMI (too much information), but it's my blog... so read on at your own risk...
When I first came home from the hospital, I was relieved to see the handicapped accessory for the toilet. There was no way I could consider sitting down without it. Even with the handrails, it was extremely painful to put any pressure on my left thigh and buttocks. Over the past couple days, I haven't needed the handicap accessory. Progress is a beautiful thing!
The first 4 weeks, I slept on a twin bed in my dining room to avoid the stairs to the second floor. I could barely move around with a walker and often needed a wheelchair. Now, I boogie around on crutches and can go up and down a full flight of stairs with them. A couple weeks ago, I was psyched to go up the stairs on my butt...progress is a beautiful thing.
People thought I was crazy to consider driving, but I am doing it routinely now. My "new" Honda Element has been great, and I look forward to having some fun with it once I can use 2 legs.
Most of the scabs from my scrapes and cuts are gone, and my knee is almost down to normal size. I can bend my knee a bit past 90 degrees. It gets better each day...
Sleeping has been a challenge. At first, I could only sleep on my back with my knee slightly bent. Now, I can sleep some on my right side, and this morning I even spent a few moments on my left side (still very scary though). One of these days, I will sleep through the night...
I've gone to the mailbox and ventured to the basement to do laundry. I've figured out how to carry things from room to room with crutches, and feel more independent each day.
My energy and comfort levels have improved.
My mental state has fluctuated up and down. The lack of an endorphin fix on a regular basis probably has something to do with it. In addition, I feel a bit out of the loop in many ways. I'm starting to phase back into the working world, so this should help some. With the physical progress, I know the mental will come along as well.
I've had time to contemplate the future and have not experienced an epiphany of any sort. I've tried to work on a "bucket list", but no major breakthroughs there. I've been fortunate to experience more than most individuals have in a lifetime, so will be content to share adventures with my family and friends going forward.
I guess I feel less inhibition now. I say what I want to say regardless of what others think.
At our regular pizza gathering last night, I read a poem that I wrote for a friend a couple years ago. He had turned 70 at the time, and he loves poetry. It was, more or less, a ballad about his life. It was filled with adventure as well as examples of leading a good life (or should I say leading a good life by example). As the words were leaving my mouth, I wondered if I have lead a good life. I've certainly accomplished a lot, but have I lead a life of integrity, love, laughter, and generosity? Something to think about and always an opportunity for progress.
I guess my "bucket" list isn't really about doing "things" and visiting places, but more about progressing and leaving my mark as part of the community. These are the things I think about...
Sunday, October 24, 2010
The Comeback begins...
All things considered, I am a very lucky guy! How many people survive a 100 foot ground fall with no major permanent injuries. My prognosis looks pretty good for a full recovery. It's been 3 weeks since the accident, and I have already made incredible progress. Everyday gets better and I am so grateful for all the support from friends and family! The comeback is in full swing, but it hasn't been all fun and games along the way...
It all started with them rolling me back from surgery, plopping me in bed, and sticking a morphine pump in my hand. "You can press this once every 10 minutes, and it will help with the pain", the nurse said. "OK, whatever", I thought, "...but why is my left foot looking pidgeon-toed now?" Great! My right foot has always been tipped to the right, so now they are both pointing in that direction. I joked that I will need to start running around the track in the opposite direction.
The reality of the situation was taking hold. I had a cathader stuck inside me, my left thigh was about the size of my waist, and I felt like I had been hit by a truck. My energy level and mobility was so poor, I had to drink water with a bent straw since I could not lift my head. Visitors were streaming in and out and I did the best I could to put on a happy face. I was amazed that so many of my climbing friends took the time to stop by the hospital or call. Climbers climb....they don't go to social functions unless at night or weather is bad. I guess it's different when it is one of your own though. I was touched and humbled.
I didn't sleep much at night. It was a waiting game until morning. The techs came in every 2-4 hours to check my vitals and the noises in the hallway kept me awake most of the night. On Monday morning, the Physical Therapy team showed up and started inflicting pain. Actually, they helped me get some mobility back in my leg and over the course of 3 days, I made great progress. Nevertheless, it felt like torture at times.
The big issue for me was my low hemoglobin level. I had lost so much blood that they thought I might need a transfusion. Yikes! They put me on iron supplements to try to get me back to normal. My hemoglobin level was around 8. I think 14 is the low end of normal. Lance Armstrong was around a 7 when he was going through his cancer treatments and Herman Maier (The Herminator), Austrian Pro Skier, was around 6 after he broke his leg in a motorcycle accident. It feels like you have no energy, and any activity feels like miles 70 to 90 of a 100 mile trail race. Moving from the bathroom to the bed required a nap afterwards. When you are trying to get out of the hospital, it can be frustrating. I kept trying to push to get better, and I seemed to go backwards each step of the way.
To compound my concerns, I was coughing up bloody mucus every few hours. This freaked me out even though I was continually assured that it was OK and would eventually stop. Additonal tests were run, and everything looked fine. I still worried for a week until it eventually stopped.
There were cuts and bruises everywhere, going to the bathroom was like summiting Everest, and I just felt pretty miserable overall. At the same time, I kept reminding myself of how lucky I am to be alive and to have so much love and support.
The therapists taught me how to go up steps backwards with the walker, so I could get into my house, and after 5 days in the hospital, I was psyched to go home. Charlotte and Tara were a tag team in getting me to the car and home. It was a huge relief when I was able to get myself into the house with the walker, and I was so happy to be in my own home.
It would be nice if I could say everything got better from that point, but the next few days were some of the toughest of my life.
On Friday, I went to see my local Ortho specialist, Dr. Veltri, and it was an epic just getting into the office and exam room. He twisted my knee in ways that seemed like torture and informed me that my ACL was likely toast. He said 6 weeks with no weight on the leg, gave me a set of 4 exercises to do on my own, and sent me home. Goat got me home and in bed, and I was wiped out for the day.
We had a surprise 21st birthday party for my daughter, Jamie, on Saturday, and I was OK for about the first hour. Then, my energy level tanked and my pain level was beyond uncomfortable. I went into the next room and crawled into bed. I felt horrible for not socializing more, but I was miserable. I felt like a doll on display as my bed is in the dining room (since I can't go up stairs) and there is no privacy at all. On top of it all, I was wicked constipated from the pain killers. I never have this type of problem and I feel sorry for all the folks that have to deal with it on an ongoing basis. After the party, I was determined to get that part of me fixed ASAP!
Without going into gory detail, I threw the kitchen sink at the problem and won. The flood gates opened at around 1:30AM on Sunday morning, and life was getting better. On Sunday, the stress of taking care of their Dad started getting to my girls, and things got a little crazy. I was miserable and hated being dependent on others. I a desperate move to get my head clear, I decided to stop taking the pain killers. I hoped it would clear up my head as well as possibly bring an end to the bloody mucus and other issues.
On Monday, I had some time to rest, and my head started clearing up after dumping the painkillers. Things were starting to look up. As I look back, this was the point at which things started to get better. My energy level started improving, and the bloody mucus started to disappear. I felt like things were a little more defined in terms of the road ahead, and I could get my arms around the challenge. Friends and family were coming out of the woodwork, and I could feel things coming together.
Several folks have generously indicated that I'm a fighter, etc. One friend hinted that I probably relish the challenge of making this "comeback". At this point, I'm just trying to take one day at a time. Each week gets better. The last week was definitely better than the first 2, but I still have 3 more weeks before I can even put weight on my leg. It seems like forever at times. It's frustrating to not be able to take out your own garbage or go grocery shopping. It's tough to try to hold a conversation while watching to make sure no one bumps into your leg. It's an epic adventure to hop to the end of the driveway to get the mail. It's heaven when you can crawl up the stairs on your butt and take a long overdue shower. It's spectacular when you can walk outside and breath in fresh air.
One day at a time. Each day gets better.
Thanks to all of you for your love and support. I appreciate every one of you. Thanks,
Steve
It all started with them rolling me back from surgery, plopping me in bed, and sticking a morphine pump in my hand. "You can press this once every 10 minutes, and it will help with the pain", the nurse said. "OK, whatever", I thought, "...but why is my left foot looking pidgeon-toed now?" Great! My right foot has always been tipped to the right, so now they are both pointing in that direction. I joked that I will need to start running around the track in the opposite direction.
The reality of the situation was taking hold. I had a cathader stuck inside me, my left thigh was about the size of my waist, and I felt like I had been hit by a truck. My energy level and mobility was so poor, I had to drink water with a bent straw since I could not lift my head. Visitors were streaming in and out and I did the best I could to put on a happy face. I was amazed that so many of my climbing friends took the time to stop by the hospital or call. Climbers climb....they don't go to social functions unless at night or weather is bad. I guess it's different when it is one of your own though. I was touched and humbled.
I didn't sleep much at night. It was a waiting game until morning. The techs came in every 2-4 hours to check my vitals and the noises in the hallway kept me awake most of the night. On Monday morning, the Physical Therapy team showed up and started inflicting pain. Actually, they helped me get some mobility back in my leg and over the course of 3 days, I made great progress. Nevertheless, it felt like torture at times.
The big issue for me was my low hemoglobin level. I had lost so much blood that they thought I might need a transfusion. Yikes! They put me on iron supplements to try to get me back to normal. My hemoglobin level was around 8. I think 14 is the low end of normal. Lance Armstrong was around a 7 when he was going through his cancer treatments and Herman Maier (The Herminator), Austrian Pro Skier, was around 6 after he broke his leg in a motorcycle accident. It feels like you have no energy, and any activity feels like miles 70 to 90 of a 100 mile trail race. Moving from the bathroom to the bed required a nap afterwards. When you are trying to get out of the hospital, it can be frustrating. I kept trying to push to get better, and I seemed to go backwards each step of the way.
To compound my concerns, I was coughing up bloody mucus every few hours. This freaked me out even though I was continually assured that it was OK and would eventually stop. Additonal tests were run, and everything looked fine. I still worried for a week until it eventually stopped.
There were cuts and bruises everywhere, going to the bathroom was like summiting Everest, and I just felt pretty miserable overall. At the same time, I kept reminding myself of how lucky I am to be alive and to have so much love and support.
The therapists taught me how to go up steps backwards with the walker, so I could get into my house, and after 5 days in the hospital, I was psyched to go home. Charlotte and Tara were a tag team in getting me to the car and home. It was a huge relief when I was able to get myself into the house with the walker, and I was so happy to be in my own home.
It would be nice if I could say everything got better from that point, but the next few days were some of the toughest of my life.
On Friday, I went to see my local Ortho specialist, Dr. Veltri, and it was an epic just getting into the office and exam room. He twisted my knee in ways that seemed like torture and informed me that my ACL was likely toast. He said 6 weeks with no weight on the leg, gave me a set of 4 exercises to do on my own, and sent me home. Goat got me home and in bed, and I was wiped out for the day.
We had a surprise 21st birthday party for my daughter, Jamie, on Saturday, and I was OK for about the first hour. Then, my energy level tanked and my pain level was beyond uncomfortable. I went into the next room and crawled into bed. I felt horrible for not socializing more, but I was miserable. I felt like a doll on display as my bed is in the dining room (since I can't go up stairs) and there is no privacy at all. On top of it all, I was wicked constipated from the pain killers. I never have this type of problem and I feel sorry for all the folks that have to deal with it on an ongoing basis. After the party, I was determined to get that part of me fixed ASAP!
Without going into gory detail, I threw the kitchen sink at the problem and won. The flood gates opened at around 1:30AM on Sunday morning, and life was getting better. On Sunday, the stress of taking care of their Dad started getting to my girls, and things got a little crazy. I was miserable and hated being dependent on others. I a desperate move to get my head clear, I decided to stop taking the pain killers. I hoped it would clear up my head as well as possibly bring an end to the bloody mucus and other issues.
On Monday, I had some time to rest, and my head started clearing up after dumping the painkillers. Things were starting to look up. As I look back, this was the point at which things started to get better. My energy level started improving, and the bloody mucus started to disappear. I felt like things were a little more defined in terms of the road ahead, and I could get my arms around the challenge. Friends and family were coming out of the woodwork, and I could feel things coming together.
Several folks have generously indicated that I'm a fighter, etc. One friend hinted that I probably relish the challenge of making this "comeback". At this point, I'm just trying to take one day at a time. Each week gets better. The last week was definitely better than the first 2, but I still have 3 more weeks before I can even put weight on my leg. It seems like forever at times. It's frustrating to not be able to take out your own garbage or go grocery shopping. It's tough to try to hold a conversation while watching to make sure no one bumps into your leg. It's an epic adventure to hop to the end of the driveway to get the mail. It's heaven when you can crawl up the stairs on your butt and take a long overdue shower. It's spectacular when you can walk outside and breath in fresh air.
One day at a time. Each day gets better.
Thanks to all of you for your love and support. I appreciate every one of you. Thanks,
Steve
Sunday, October 17, 2010
The Angels were watching over me: Surviving a 100 foot ground fall
This post is dedicated to all the people who helped put Humpty Dumpty back together. I'd like to thank all the folks who helped on scene and kept me calm while we waited for the rangers to arrive, many thanks to Ranger Bob and his team from the Mohonk Preserve, the Town of Gardiner Emergency Medical Team, the helicopter team, and all the folks at St. Francis Hospital. I especially want to thank all the people who helped carry me down to the carriage road inch by inch. It was a painful journey, but I appreciate the effort. I've been on the carrying side a few times, but this was my first trip in the litter. Many thanks to all the friends and family who have provided love, support, gifts, cards, and most of all - prayers. Most of all I want to thank Charlotte, Kevin (a.k.a. - The Goat), and my girls, Tara and Jamie. You all pulled through when I needed it most. I pride myself on being self-sufficient, and I am now humbled by the support you have each provided. It's been a tough 2 weeks, and everyone of you provided me strength. I am so lucky and so blessed to have you in my life.
OK, on to the long awaited story...
It was supposed to be a fun, easy weekend climbing in the Gunks (short for Shawangunk Mountains) with my girlfriend, Charlotte, her son, Chris, and my friends from the CT Climbers and Mountaineers (CCM). It started off that way anyway...
I grew up near the Gunks and started climbing here over 30 years ago before I knew about sticky rubber or how to tie a figure eight knot. We'd ride our bikes up the hill, climb (free solo) whatever we dared, go swimming at Lake Minnewaska, and lay in the sun thinking of the future. I consider it home and feel my attitude improve every time I come back and drive past the hairpin turn.
As a founding member of the CCM, I volunteered to host a Gunks Fall weekend several years ago. The event was very popular and became one of our keystone activities. At one point, we rented the Ulster County Fairgrounds and had over 100 people attend. It was a blast! Organizing the event became too much for me a few years ago, so I passed it on to others. The event has shrunk in size as has the CCM, but the core group remains. The event this year was planned for Oct. 2-4, and I was really looking forward to getting out on the rock.
Work, running, and other activities have taken priority over climbing this year, and I had only climbed a handful of times all year. Ultrarunning and climbing are my two passions. My best friend, the Goat, was planning to run the Vermont 100 this year, and I agreed to pace him. This required a considerable amount of time for both of us, so climbing took a backseat until after the race in July.
I've climbed a lot and with many different partners. I believe I am a very safe and experienced climber. I tend to be a bold leader, but always feel that I protect a route well and climb within my ability. I've climbed rock and ice and done some mountaineering. For anyone who reads this blog regularly, you've read about ascents of classic climbs such as the Northeast Face of Pingora and Warbonnet in the Wind Rivers, Le Petit Gripon and other classics in Rocky Mountain National Park, Ice climbing in the DAKS and Whites, ski mountaineering in B.C. and other remote places, and even an ascent of Pico de Orizaba in Mexico. I have led 5.10 during big climbing years and consider an on-site alpine ascent to be the ultimate in climbing purity. I'm not the best or most experienced climber, but I've been around enough to know how to play the game in good form.
On this weekend, it wasn't about MY climbing. It was about introducing my girlfriend and her son to the sport. They had each tried it a couple times. Charlotte climbed a couple routes with me in the Gunks a few weeks earlier and was anxious for more. Chris had never been to the Gunks and was cautious yet excited. The Goat was along for the ride. He recently went through a significant life transition, and he needed some company. Although Charlotte was capable of belaying me, I felt more confident with the Goat along in case we got into a difficult situation.
We started on Jackie, a classic beginner route. I led the first pitch and set up a toprope. The others had fun, but it was a bit much for Chris. I ran into some friends, Scotty, Maria, and Scotty's daughter Nicky. I saw some of our CCM crew, and it felt like a homecoming of sorts. Life was good!
After another climb Chris was done for the day, so I looked for something that Charlotte and Goat might enjoy and was pleasantly surprised to see Middle Earth free. The first pitch is rated 5.5 easy and fun! I racked up and started leading the pith while Goat belayed and chatted with Charlotte and Chris. The climbing was easy and I was having a ball. I thought about how much I missed being on the rock, and how we needed to plan more of these weekends. I made a few nice moves, placed good gear, and set up a toprope anchor on the big tree at the top. Unfortunately, I had only brought up 1 cordalette for the anchor and really wanted to add another for security. I yelled down to the Goat that he would climb second and to make sure to bring something to add to the anchor. I figured he would cruise the route, but Charlotte might have trouble with it, so wanted the extra protection for her.
This is where everything went very wrong! Having said that to Goat, I checked the anchor one more time and then leaned back to lower saying "OK, On you" to Goat. Within a millisecond, I started to fall quickly and wondered why Goat wasn't taking in the slack. I saw the rope whizzing by and realized I was no longer on belay. My first instinct was to figure out how to survive the fall. I thought about Lynn Hill surviving a similar fall and quickly threw out my arms and legs in an attempt to hit anything possible to slow my fall. While I was doing this, I screamed...I always wondered if I would scream in that type of situation. It happens all the time in my dreams and it was the same in real life. I had to really force the scream and did it in an attempt to alert those on the ground. It wasn't a scream of fear. In fact, I wasn't even sure anyone could hear it. Nevertheless, I did my best, "Ayyyyyyy!!!! and hoped it would somehow help.
All of this is happening in microseconds. Now that my survival plan is in action though, I took a millisecond to think how unfair this was that Charlotte and I had only met 3 months earlier, and how I had so much living left to do. I always wondered if your life really flashes before your eyes, and I am here to say that it did not happen for me. No instant replay, no major regrets, etc. Just the feeling that I had so much living left to do...
At this point, I hit a tree branch and skipped off a ledge and realized the ground was near. I was in the process of righting myself when I hit Mother Earth. Insert your favorite sound effect, but I don't think there was any loud impact sound. More like a thud. I landed in almost a sitting position , but with my left leg wrapped underneath me.
Once I hit, I did a quick inventory and realized I was alive and intact for the most part. No damage to head, neck, or back. Not paralyzed as far as I could tell...Charlotte put her arms around me and I implored her, "Please don't let me die!" I was terrified of the potential for internal bleeding, etc. While she held me in her arms, I quickly realized my left femur was fractured and the bone was nearly sticking through my thigh. The leg was twisted badly. I quickly asked people to call 911 and asked Kevin to call my parents. Within seconds, a crowd gathered and everyone started doing what they could to provide comfort and support. My left side ribs and both ankles and heels were very painful and I assumed there were some breaks involved there as well.
Ranger Bob came up to assess the situation and asked how far I had fallen. I said, "The first pitch". He incredulously replied, "The WHOLE first pitch?" to which I almost proudly said, "Yes!" It was quite amazing to me that I had survived and I was, indeed, grateful, humbled, and blessed to be laying there talking about it. The pain in the left leg was intense and Charlotte worked with me to "Turn down the volume on the pain dial" while the rangers did their work.
The carryout was the most painful and extended part of the rescue (at least in my mind). I kept my eyes closed for most of it and tightly gripped an offered hand from some kind soul. I have no idea who this man is or what he looks like, but we were connected for the journey down the talus slope. Thank you Sir! He kept saying, "Hang in there Steve". Thank you!
While this story is in many ways a tragedy, I prefer to think of it otherwise. The feeling of intense human spirit and love during this rescue was nothing like I had ever experienced in my life. There were people there giving from their hearts to a complete stranger with nothing expected in return. They took care of me and I could feel the love in every word and gesture.
The ride out on the carriage road was painful, slow, and bumpy, and the ambulance was waiting at Camp Slime across the metal bridge when we arrived. I've been there in the past to load people in the ambulance and now it was my turn. Never thought this day would come. They lifted me from the backboard to place me on the stretcher, and I screamed, "Stop!!!!" They had left one of the straps across my mid-section connected and my ribs were screaming in pain. Second attempt was a success. They cut off my pants and shirt, and proceeded to try to straighten my leg. The pain was intense and there was no progress. Someone realized my quad muscles were fiercely clenched and told me to relax. This seemed to help some and they seemed satisfied with the results.
Into the ambulance and around the corner to the helicopter. There was some discussion about which hospital: Poughkeepsie or Westchester. My brain thought, "If it's only the leg, go for Westchester", but I did not feel like I was in a position to make the call. I trusted in the people there and God to take good care of me.
Into the hospital and straight to Catscan, then into the ER trauma area to wait for the results. I lay there in pain with my family by my side waiting. They could not give me any painkillers until we knew the complete damage report.
After a short while, the trauma Dr. told my parents that I had remarkably survived the fall with only a broken femur and that they would turn me over to the Orthopedic doctors. Good news!
Morphine was administered while I waited for a surgeon to be located.
The next morning, a rod and screws were inserted to re-marry my bisected femur, and my foot looked like it was generally pointing in the right direction (although at a slightly different angle). The epic was thought to be over, but the healing was only beginning.
I'm going to end this entry here in the interest of taking this in bite size chunks.
The one thing I want to point out to all involved is that this accident was no one's fault except mine. In the end, I am responsible for my personal safety. It was my choice to weight the rope, and I should have checked to ensure I was on belay and my belayer was prepared to lower me. I thought about this for a long time. I understand why my belayer may have misinterpreted my instructions, and I committed to lower based on my trust in a standard language and protocol. I told my partner and friend that it takes 2 to tango, we miscommunicated, and I should have checked before committing my weight to the rope.
I have so much more to say about the steps in my recovery over the past 2 weeks, but will end it here for now. Once again, I want to thank everyone involved in the rescue. My faith in human kindness has been reinforced, and I feel blessed to be here to embrace it. THANK YOU ALL!!!!
Peace,
Steve
OK, on to the long awaited story...
It was supposed to be a fun, easy weekend climbing in the Gunks (short for Shawangunk Mountains) with my girlfriend, Charlotte, her son, Chris, and my friends from the CT Climbers and Mountaineers (CCM). It started off that way anyway...
I grew up near the Gunks and started climbing here over 30 years ago before I knew about sticky rubber or how to tie a figure eight knot. We'd ride our bikes up the hill, climb (free solo) whatever we dared, go swimming at Lake Minnewaska, and lay in the sun thinking of the future. I consider it home and feel my attitude improve every time I come back and drive past the hairpin turn.
As a founding member of the CCM, I volunteered to host a Gunks Fall weekend several years ago. The event was very popular and became one of our keystone activities. At one point, we rented the Ulster County Fairgrounds and had over 100 people attend. It was a blast! Organizing the event became too much for me a few years ago, so I passed it on to others. The event has shrunk in size as has the CCM, but the core group remains. The event this year was planned for Oct. 2-4, and I was really looking forward to getting out on the rock.
Work, running, and other activities have taken priority over climbing this year, and I had only climbed a handful of times all year. Ultrarunning and climbing are my two passions. My best friend, the Goat, was planning to run the Vermont 100 this year, and I agreed to pace him. This required a considerable amount of time for both of us, so climbing took a backseat until after the race in July.
I've climbed a lot and with many different partners. I believe I am a very safe and experienced climber. I tend to be a bold leader, but always feel that I protect a route well and climb within my ability. I've climbed rock and ice and done some mountaineering. For anyone who reads this blog regularly, you've read about ascents of classic climbs such as the Northeast Face of Pingora and Warbonnet in the Wind Rivers, Le Petit Gripon and other classics in Rocky Mountain National Park, Ice climbing in the DAKS and Whites, ski mountaineering in B.C. and other remote places, and even an ascent of Pico de Orizaba in Mexico. I have led 5.10 during big climbing years and consider an on-site alpine ascent to be the ultimate in climbing purity. I'm not the best or most experienced climber, but I've been around enough to know how to play the game in good form.
On this weekend, it wasn't about MY climbing. It was about introducing my girlfriend and her son to the sport. They had each tried it a couple times. Charlotte climbed a couple routes with me in the Gunks a few weeks earlier and was anxious for more. Chris had never been to the Gunks and was cautious yet excited. The Goat was along for the ride. He recently went through a significant life transition, and he needed some company. Although Charlotte was capable of belaying me, I felt more confident with the Goat along in case we got into a difficult situation.
We started on Jackie, a classic beginner route. I led the first pitch and set up a toprope. The others had fun, but it was a bit much for Chris. I ran into some friends, Scotty, Maria, and Scotty's daughter Nicky. I saw some of our CCM crew, and it felt like a homecoming of sorts. Life was good!
After another climb Chris was done for the day, so I looked for something that Charlotte and Goat might enjoy and was pleasantly surprised to see Middle Earth free. The first pitch is rated 5.5 easy and fun! I racked up and started leading the pith while Goat belayed and chatted with Charlotte and Chris. The climbing was easy and I was having a ball. I thought about how much I missed being on the rock, and how we needed to plan more of these weekends. I made a few nice moves, placed good gear, and set up a toprope anchor on the big tree at the top. Unfortunately, I had only brought up 1 cordalette for the anchor and really wanted to add another for security. I yelled down to the Goat that he would climb second and to make sure to bring something to add to the anchor. I figured he would cruise the route, but Charlotte might have trouble with it, so wanted the extra protection for her.
This is where everything went very wrong! Having said that to Goat, I checked the anchor one more time and then leaned back to lower saying "OK, On you" to Goat. Within a millisecond, I started to fall quickly and wondered why Goat wasn't taking in the slack. I saw the rope whizzing by and realized I was no longer on belay. My first instinct was to figure out how to survive the fall. I thought about Lynn Hill surviving a similar fall and quickly threw out my arms and legs in an attempt to hit anything possible to slow my fall. While I was doing this, I screamed...I always wondered if I would scream in that type of situation. It happens all the time in my dreams and it was the same in real life. I had to really force the scream and did it in an attempt to alert those on the ground. It wasn't a scream of fear. In fact, I wasn't even sure anyone could hear it. Nevertheless, I did my best, "Ayyyyyyy!!!! and hoped it would somehow help.
All of this is happening in microseconds. Now that my survival plan is in action though, I took a millisecond to think how unfair this was that Charlotte and I had only met 3 months earlier, and how I had so much living left to do. I always wondered if your life really flashes before your eyes, and I am here to say that it did not happen for me. No instant replay, no major regrets, etc. Just the feeling that I had so much living left to do...
At this point, I hit a tree branch and skipped off a ledge and realized the ground was near. I was in the process of righting myself when I hit Mother Earth. Insert your favorite sound effect, but I don't think there was any loud impact sound. More like a thud. I landed in almost a sitting position , but with my left leg wrapped underneath me.
Once I hit, I did a quick inventory and realized I was alive and intact for the most part. No damage to head, neck, or back. Not paralyzed as far as I could tell...Charlotte put her arms around me and I implored her, "Please don't let me die!" I was terrified of the potential for internal bleeding, etc. While she held me in her arms, I quickly realized my left femur was fractured and the bone was nearly sticking through my thigh. The leg was twisted badly. I quickly asked people to call 911 and asked Kevin to call my parents. Within seconds, a crowd gathered and everyone started doing what they could to provide comfort and support. My left side ribs and both ankles and heels were very painful and I assumed there were some breaks involved there as well.
Ranger Bob came up to assess the situation and asked how far I had fallen. I said, "The first pitch". He incredulously replied, "The WHOLE first pitch?" to which I almost proudly said, "Yes!" It was quite amazing to me that I had survived and I was, indeed, grateful, humbled, and blessed to be laying there talking about it. The pain in the left leg was intense and Charlotte worked with me to "Turn down the volume on the pain dial" while the rangers did their work.
The carryout was the most painful and extended part of the rescue (at least in my mind). I kept my eyes closed for most of it and tightly gripped an offered hand from some kind soul. I have no idea who this man is or what he looks like, but we were connected for the journey down the talus slope. Thank you Sir! He kept saying, "Hang in there Steve". Thank you!
While this story is in many ways a tragedy, I prefer to think of it otherwise. The feeling of intense human spirit and love during this rescue was nothing like I had ever experienced in my life. There were people there giving from their hearts to a complete stranger with nothing expected in return. They took care of me and I could feel the love in every word and gesture.
The ride out on the carriage road was painful, slow, and bumpy, and the ambulance was waiting at Camp Slime across the metal bridge when we arrived. I've been there in the past to load people in the ambulance and now it was my turn. Never thought this day would come. They lifted me from the backboard to place me on the stretcher, and I screamed, "Stop!!!!" They had left one of the straps across my mid-section connected and my ribs were screaming in pain. Second attempt was a success. They cut off my pants and shirt, and proceeded to try to straighten my leg. The pain was intense and there was no progress. Someone realized my quad muscles were fiercely clenched and told me to relax. This seemed to help some and they seemed satisfied with the results.
Into the ambulance and around the corner to the helicopter. There was some discussion about which hospital: Poughkeepsie or Westchester. My brain thought, "If it's only the leg, go for Westchester", but I did not feel like I was in a position to make the call. I trusted in the people there and God to take good care of me.
Into the hospital and straight to Catscan, then into the ER trauma area to wait for the results. I lay there in pain with my family by my side waiting. They could not give me any painkillers until we knew the complete damage report.
After a short while, the trauma Dr. told my parents that I had remarkably survived the fall with only a broken femur and that they would turn me over to the Orthopedic doctors. Good news!
Morphine was administered while I waited for a surgeon to be located.
The next morning, a rod and screws were inserted to re-marry my bisected femur, and my foot looked like it was generally pointing in the right direction (although at a slightly different angle). The epic was thought to be over, but the healing was only beginning.
I'm going to end this entry here in the interest of taking this in bite size chunks.
The one thing I want to point out to all involved is that this accident was no one's fault except mine. In the end, I am responsible for my personal safety. It was my choice to weight the rope, and I should have checked to ensure I was on belay and my belayer was prepared to lower me. I thought about this for a long time. I understand why my belayer may have misinterpreted my instructions, and I committed to lower based on my trust in a standard language and protocol. I told my partner and friend that it takes 2 to tango, we miscommunicated, and I should have checked before committing my weight to the rope.
I have so much more to say about the steps in my recovery over the past 2 weeks, but will end it here for now. Once again, I want to thank everyone involved in the rescue. My faith in human kindness has been reinforced, and I feel blessed to be here to embrace it. THANK YOU ALL!!!!
Peace,
Steve
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